Don’t Y’all Just Wish Jonathan Ross Would Shut The Hell Up?

I wish that someone close to him would get a nice, big bit of duct tape, and gag Jonathan Ross. Just for a week. Just to give the rest of us a respite.

Granted, many moons ago, his wit was faster than light and his show was great fun. But for some time now, it’s been appalling to see Ross pawing at and propositioning any female under the age of ninety. Doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like – if they’re female, they’re fair game. Watching as each successive female guest sits and smiles through gritted teeth while trying desperately to edge along the sofa and out of Ross’s clutches, does not for enjoyable viewing make.

And now this week, Ross is whingeing because he didn’t win a Bafta. Apparently he feels there is some sort of ‘media conspiracy’ against him. Er, actually, Jonathan, I think you’ll find it has more to do with the obscene, cruel and utterly humourless phone call you made to veteran actor Andrew Sachs a while back – and which was then broadcast, much to the horror of Sachs and his entire family.

So I for one am delighted that Ross was denied a Bafta. I just wish he hadn’t been nominated for one in the first place.

List Of Things That Offend Muslims

Here, courtesy of the Amboy Times, is an ever increasing list of things that Muslims have complained/protested/rioted over.

To visit the Amboy Times, just CLICK HERE!

Flags

The English Flag being flown in England, as well as St. George Pins, worn by Englishmen in England, Austrian flag, Soccer Ball with Saudi Flag, Stepping on Makeshift Hamas and Hezbollah Flags, Ref’s whistle with the Swiss Cross, The Israeli Flag, and of course…the American Flag.

Buildings

The World Trade Center, The Pentagon, The Giant Buddha’s, The new Apple store in Manhattan. The Beslan Memorial, Pool halls and coffee shops, Movie Theaters, the Graves of Biblical Joshua and Caleb, The Eiffel Tower, Coffee Shops, Saracen’s Head Cafe, “Mecca” Bar in Kiev.

Christians

The Trinity, Pope Benedict XVI. Pope John Paul II, Coptic Pope Shenouda III, Robert Spencer, The name “Crusaders” , The Cross, Christmas presents, Santa Claus, Bibles, selling Bibles, Lip synching videos, Craig Winn, Prayer, Valentine’s Day, Christians who accidently touch the Koran, Street Evangelists, The Letter X, Muslim converts to Christianity, the Knights of Malta, The Bishop of Rochester, Use of the word Allah by Catholics,  Church Bells, a picture of Jesus hung on a staffroom wall, Father Zakariah, Jerry Falwell, a coin with John 3:16 printed on it, Eli Soriano, dating a Polish Catholic Girl, UK Radio Minister Rev Masih, Zion Baptist Church in Rochdale, UK, Rotary and Lions Clubs, Hector Aleem, the color red near Valentine’s Day, Christians who use the word “Allah” to describe God.

Jews

The existence of Israel, The reality of the holocaust, Holocaust Day (UK), Teaching of the Holocaust, Annapolis Peace Talks, A Rabbi speaking at an Islamic University, An Israeli Vodka Bottle with a Picture of Jerusalem, Paper cups that were made in Israel, luggage from Israel, an Israeli soccer team, The Torah scrolls at Hebron, Tennis Star Shahar Peer, the Israeli Taekwondo team.

Hindus/Buddhist’s/other Religions

The Dalai Lama, Baha’i, Pagans, Zoroastrians, Faith Healers, Hindu Temples.

Cartoons

The Danish Cartoons, Videos of Danes drawing Mohammed. Cartoons about Uday and Qusay’s death. These photoshops, The Buddy Christ, Cambridge University cartoon, Pokemon, Opus, David Low’s Jack Hobbs cartoon, “Mohammed Cat” , cartoon of Cheryfa MacAulay Jamal, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Mickey Mouse, Emoticons. Movies/TV/Theater/Radio The Movie “The Passion of the Christ” The Italian Film, ‘Il mercante di pietre’ (The Stone Merchant) “24”, Disney’s “Aladdin”, Theo Van Gogh’s “Submission”, A French play by Voltaire, “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World” Rubber duck hostage video, Ohio CarAd, The Movie ,”300″ PBS Documentary “Islam v Islamists”, Jihad, the Musical, True Lies the Movie, Michael Savage, Paul Harvey, You Tube, Fitna the Movie, Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty, Stage Version of the Satanic Verses, “Life of Mohammad” Movie, Bridgitte Bardot, Indian Soap Operas, Music Shops, Chicken Run, Saving Private Ryan, 1977 Movie, Mohammad, Messanger of God, the film “Crossing Over” Egyptian actor Amr Waked, Fiddler on the Roof, Satellite TV owners, Obsession the movie, Denver disk jockeys Joey Teehan, Dean Myers and Roger Beaty, The Wrestler Movie, Radio Basingstoke/Cliff Richards, Lowell Green, TV Documentary Jihad for Love, Cinema and Theater, Actors and Actresses working together.

Food

Burger King ice cream cones, Jewish cookies, Israeli Dates, pork, even when consumed by non-Muslims. Alcohol, Quebec day-care lunch menu, Hot-Cross Buns, Cola Cola, Pepsi, Easter Eggs, Ham Sandwiches accidentally served to Muslim prisoners, Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches served in Jail, Parking lot sign jokingly labeled “the Porking Yard”, Doritos and Salad Dressing containing trace amounts of alcohol, Falafels, Cucumbers, tomatoes and ice cream, Rum flavored ice cream.

Music

Music in general, A rap CD with Quranic verses. An award winning Spanish song, A party honoring late rock star Freddy Mercury, Mozart, Gospel music in a church van, a Muslim prayer set to House Music, Rock Singer who Bared his Chest, Vande Mataram, the Indian National Song, Avril Levigne, Gwen Stefani, Paul McCartney, Dancing, Busta Rhymes song “Arab Money”, Discos, Rihanna, I-Dance Contest. Humor/Satire Disc jockey humor, “Terrorist” fireworks safety ad, ‘Achmed the Dead Terrorist’ Ringtone.

Animals

Piggy banks The Chinese “Year of the Pig” Toy Pigs, Pig-shaped stress relievers, Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, The Three Little Pigs, Nature course that included Pigs, Pig shaped playground toys, Dogs, guide dogs, Lost Dog Poster, Walking the Dog, Sniffer Dogs, Trainee Police Puppy Rebel, the selling of Dogs and Cats, unclothed female goats, Mice.

Public Figures

Walid Shoebat, Kamal Saleem, and Zachariah Anani, “The 3 Ex-Terrorists.” Daniel Pipes, Ayaan Hirsi-Ali, MP Phil Woolas (UK), Virgil Goode, Jack Straw, Bloggers, The US Congress, Paris Mayor Bertrand Delanoe, Mayor of Mirfield Robert Bennett, Afghan Journalist Sayed Perwiz Kambakhsh, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, Australian Prime Minister John Howard, Geert Wilders, Prince Harry, Ehsan Jami, Dr Wafa Sultan, Obama’s Website, Michelle Malkin, Susanne Winter.

Women

The passport photo of a 5 year old girl, Women who allow themselves to be raped, The Panty Jihad, Egyptian feminist Nawal al-Saadawi, The clitoris, Hugging a man in public, The breasts of female mannequins, female dolls, pin-ups on RAF jets, Unclothed Sex, Breast Feeding, Britney and Madonna, Male Gynaecologists, the word Women, refusing to wear the hijab, Benazir Bhutto, Nouriya Al Subeeh, Female Medic’s Hygiene Rules, Hair Salons that refuse Headscarfs. a woman sitting with a man in a Starbucks, wearing makeup, not wearing socks, sharing a gym with men. Pictures of Women in newspapers, Matalan Billboards, Cell phone use by women, Work Uniforms at a Tortilla Factory, Go Kart Woman, Lipstick and High Heels, Hasina Kahn, Women omitted from an Ikea Catalog, Miss World Contest, Female Olympians on TV, Women on TV in general, Women leaving the house without permission, Lesbianism and tomboy behavior, the term ‘Gender Equality’, Street protests of divorced Women, gender mixed theaters, Women who drive, Seeking a female writer’s autograph.

Books/Publications and writers

Salmon Rushdie’s “Satanic Verses”, Rushdie’s Knighthood, A book by an Egyptian feminist., French and German Newspapers, Tampa Flyers, Nobel Prize winning author, Naguib Mahfouz, Harry Potter, The autobiography of Norwegian politician Carl I. Hagen “Ærlig talt”, Bangladeshi feminist writer Taslima Nasreen, National Review, Mark Steyn, These 11 books, Wikipedia, Passant Rashad, First Bible Stories, Saudi writers Abdullah bin Bejad al-Otaibi and Yousef Aba al-Khail, Dr Rachael Ehrenfeld, Howard Rotberg, Houston Chronicle, Harry’s Place, Sherry Jones, Poet Islam Samhan, The Russian version of Newsweek, Douglas Murray, Geraldine Bedell, Steven Crowder, Wedad Lootah, These 10 terms.

Art/Artists

Tate British Museum, Delta College, Harper College Photo Exhibit, Iranian artist Sooreh Hera, “ZOG” exhibition by art group Surrend, “Shark” by David Cerny, Sculptures of Mohammed, Church Pulpit Wood Carving of Mohammed, Bologna Church Fresco, Sculpture of Mother Teresa, Stork Statues, Statue of Christ, The “Det er ikke forbudt å tenke” exhibition, Fresco of Mohammed at St. Petronio in Bologna. Grooming Barbers , eyebrow plucking for men, Hair Gel, “Allah Tatoo”, Black Hair Dye.

Clothing

Western-style trousers, Colored Underwear, Nike “flame” logo, Shoes and Pants bearing the Arabic symbol for Allah, Italian Soccer Team’s Shirts, Iraqi Tennis Players Wearing Shorts, Clothing embroidered with Koranic passages, the Barcelona Football Club Badge, Blue jeans, not hiking salwar above ankles, Koranic verses on sking gear, a shoe named Mohammed.

Miscellaneous

Airport security, A Yemini man who refused to wake up for prayers, Mustafa Shag, Prison toilets, Indrek Wichman, Chess, Staring or looking, Polio Vaccine, a moment of silence to commemorate 9/11 in Brussels, Koran-Themed Toilet Seats, Exxon, LAPD, Bluetooth, Witchcraft, the term “War on Terror”, Emergency Relief from the USN, Teddy Bear named Mohammed by Schoolchildren, Sweden, Homosexuals, Shi’ite Jokes, Anti terrorist Billboard, Self-Defense, Toilets facing Mecca, Eating near Muslims during Ramadan, Joining the British Army, Flirting, Muslim medical students are refusing to learn about about Alcoholism or STDs, Loan interest. Polio Vaccine, This List, Facebook, Dancing on TV, Health and Home Insurance, Corporate War Games, Treatment for Sex Offenders in Prison, Holy names on specimen bottles, Barbie, Batman and Spiderman, A college course “Women in Arabic and Islamic Literature”, Mock Hostage Drill by police, Condoms, Western Human Rights, Non-Muslim man dating a Muslim woman, Polio Vaccine, Kite Flying, Interfaith Marriage, Anti-Slavery Sanctions, Brazilian Carnival Parade, McDonald’s Dress code, The Beijing Olympics, Medal of Honor winner Col Bud Day, Nissan, Birthday Parties, anniversaries and Mother’s Day, This German carnival, Yoga, Non marital cohabitation, Capitalism, Execution of the Bali Bombers, Smoking during Ramadan, Yoga, Terrorist Lego Toy, Berber names, Holding Hands in Public, Smoking in general, Bowing.

On A Lighter Note…

Granted, this post is not remotely relevant to the usual topics we cover here. But I couldn’t resist this story in today’s Daily Mail:

‘Choosy Ants Use “estate agents” To Find A Home’

The gist of the story is that ants are apparently almost as fussy as we humans when it comes to selecting a new pad!

And they, like us, use estate agents!

When an ant colony needs to move, it sends out special scouts, who have an in-built sense of what makes a nest, a ‘home’.

Once these scouts have decided on a home, they stop ‘viewing’ other prospective sites.

This ‘estate agent’ ant will then attempt to sell its choice to other members of its ant colony.

The study has been conducted by Bristol University. Researcher Dr Elva Robinson said:

‘We think there is an in built threshold that allows the ant to take into account how far the new home is from other nests, how big the nest is, how high the ceilings are, and how many entrances there are. They are really rather choosy.’

Ahhhhh…