A Satire That Hits Home

Hats off to American Thinker for this delicious albeit dead accurate bit of satire. Read it and then share it please – email it to five people you know and ask them to do the same!

June 18, 2010

Israel breathes; world condemnation instantaneous

Andrew Pessin

-Satire-

Israel breathed this morning. There was a quick intake of air, and then a gentle exhalation.


World condemnation was instantaneous.


P.A. President Abbas decried the Israeli attempt to commandeer the Middle East air supply, and demanded a prompt return to the 1967 air distribution which Palestinian leaders had previously violently rejected.


Iranian President Ahmadinejad interrupted his weekly call for the destruction of Israel in order to blast the Zionist entity for its blatant oxygen grab and call for its immediate destruction.


Egyptian newspapers detailed the malicious Mossad plot to exhale germs into the air and then spread the poisoned air via high-tech windmills directly into the lungs of Muslim children.
Exiled Hamas leader Khaled Meshal announced that in response to the Israeli aggression, Hamas would not let the Red Cross visit captured soldier Gilad Schalit. When it was pointed out that they hadn’t allowed such visits in the four years prior to Israel’s action, he snorted, “And now you see why!”


Turkey announced it would be withdrawing its ambassador, only to retract that announcement in slight embarrassment when it realized it had already withdrawn him last week, in response to some other Israeli outrage it could no longer quite recall.

The United Nations General Assembly, after meeting for an all-night emergency session, called for another all-night emergency session. And the Security Council demanded an immediate impartial investigation, only to backtrack when it was informed that all its available staff were already tied up in ongoing impartial investigations of other Israeli actions.


Indeed, outrage at Israel’s action was heard around the globe. People everywhere exclaimed that Israel’s aggression was against international law, and then asked for a copy of the newspaper so they could see just what it was, in fact, that Israel had done this time.

Others, more intellectually-inclined, asked for some links on “international law,” curious to find out, at last, just what was this special code which apparently all non-Israelis had secretly agreed upon. And, of course, there were numerous calls for Israel’s leaders to be brought up on charges of ‘war crimes’.


Loudest of these were from regimes as diverse as China, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, and North Korea, which took time off from their busy schedules oppressing Tibetans, Darfur civilians, women and all religious minorities, and their own citizens respectively to make their pronouncements.

In fact, Israel’s action this time was so offensive that Muslim extremists actually paused from their work installing massive explosives in each others’ mosques in order to condemn Israel’s attacks on Muslim civilians.


The criticisms could even be heard within Israel itself. “How can Israel call itself a democracy,” Haaretz asked in an editorial, “while allowing its Jewish citizens to consume 75% of the air?”

Arab-Israeli MKs signed a petition demanding that the Israeli constitution, guaranteeing their right to sit in the Knesset despite their repeated calls for Israel’s destruction, should be dissolved, preferably in favor of something more totalitarian. “On this day I am ashamed to be a Jew,” proclaimed one prominent left-wing leader, a man who had repeatedly urged all peoples to be proud of their ethnic and religious identities, except for Jews.

Israel initially attempted to respond to these criticisms, but quickly realized that speaking would require it once again to inhale and thus draw upon itself further global ire.


And so, Israel stopped breathing altogether.

This action, clearly aimed to destroy the regional economy and destabilize the entire Middle East, triggered instantaneous worldwide condemnation.

Finally, A Voice Of Sanity

At a time when the most egregious lies about Israel are being devoured eagerly by most of the world, here is a voice of reason. Former Spanish Prime Minister   José María Aznar, writing in The Times this week, said:


If Israel goes down, we all go down


By José María Aznar



For far too long now it has been unfashionable in Europe to speak up for Israel. In the wake of the recent incident on board a ship full of anti-Israeli activists in the Mediterranean, it is hard to think of a more unpopular cause to champion.

In an ideal world, the assault by Israeli commandos on the Mavi Marmara would not have ended up with nine dead and a score wounded. In an ideal world, the soldiers would have been peacefully welcomed on to the ship.

In an ideal world, no state, let alone a recent ally of Israel such as Turkey, would have sponsored and organised a flotilla whose sole purpose was to create an impossible situation for Israel: making it choose between giving up its security policy and the naval blockade, or risking the wrath of the world.


In our dealings with Israel, we must blow away the red mists of anger that too often cloud our judgment. A reasonable and balanced approach should encapsulate the following realities: first, the state of Israel was created by a decision of the UN.

Its legitimacy, therefore, should not be in question. Israel is a nation with deeply rooted democratic institutions. It is a dynamic and open society that has repeatedly excelled in culture, science and technology.


Second, owing to its roots, history, and values, Israel is a fully fledged Western nation. Indeed, it is a normal Western nation, but one confronted by abnormal circumstances.


Uniquely in the West, it is the only democracy whose very existence has been questioned since its inception. In the first instance, it was attacked by its neighbours using the conventional weapons of war. Then it faced terrorism culminating in wave after wave of suicide attacks. Now, at the behest of radical Islamists and their sympathisers, it faces a campaign of delegitimisation through international law and diplomacy.


Sixty-two years after its creation, Israel is still fighting for its very survival. Punished with missiles raining from north and south, threatened with destruction by an Iran aiming to acquire nuclear weapons and pressed upon by friend and foe, Israel, it seems, is never to have a moment’s peace.


For years, the focus of Western attention has understandably been on the peace process between Israelis and Palestinians. But if Israel is in danger today and the whole region is slipping towards a worryingly problematic future, it is not due to the lack of understanding between the parties on how to solve this conflict. The parameters of any prospective peace agreement are clear, however difficult it may seem for the two sides to make the final push for a settlement.


The real threats to regional stability, however, are to be found in the rise of a radical Islamism which sees Israel’s destruction as the fulfilment of its religious destiny and, simultaneously in the case of Iran, as an expression of its ambitions for regional hegemony. Both phenomena are threats that affect not only Israel, but also the wider West and the world at large.


The core of the problem lies in the ambiguous and often erroneous manner in which too many Western countries are now reacting to this situation. It is easy to blame Israel for all the evils in the Middle East.

Some even act and talk as if a new understanding with the Muslim world could be achieved if only we were prepared to sacrifice the Jewish state on the altar. This would be folly.


Israel is our first line of defence in a turbulent region that is constantly at risk of descending into chaos; a region vital to our energy security owing to our overdependence on Middle Eastern oil; a region that forms the front line in the fight against extremism. If Israel goes down, we all go down.

To defend Israel’s right to exist in peace, within secure borders, requires a degree of moral and strategic clarity that too often seems to have disappeared in Europe. The United States shows worrying signs of heading in the same direction.


The West is going through a period of confusion over the shape of the world’s future. To a great extent, this confusion is caused by a kind of masochistic self-doubt over our own identity; by the rule of political correctness; by a multiculturalism that forces us to our knees before others; and by a secularism which, irony of ironies, blinds us even when we are confronted by jihadis promoting the most fanatical incarnation of their faith.

To abandon Israel to its fate, at this moment of all moments, would merely serve to illustrate how far we have sunk and how inexorable our decline now appears.


This cannot be allowed to happen. Motivated by the need to rebuild our own Western values, expressing deep concern about the wave of aggression against Israel, and mindful that Israel’s strength is our strength and Israel’s weakness is our weakness, I have decided to promote a new Friends of Israel initiative with the help of some prominent people, including David Trimble, Andrew Roberts, John Bolton, Alejandro Toledo (the former President of Peru), Marcello Pera (philosopher and former President of the Italian Senate), Fiamma Nirenstein (the Italian author and politician), the financier Robert Agostinelli and the Catholic intellectual George Weigel.


It is not our intention to defend any specific policy or any particular Israeli government. The sponsors of this initiative are certain to disagree at times with decisions taken by Jerusalem. We are democrats, and we believe in diversity.


What binds us, however, is our unyielding support for Israel’s right to exist and to defend itself. For Western countries to side with those who question Israel’s legitimacy, for them to play games in international bodies with Israel’s vital security issues, for them to appease those who oppose Western values rather than robustly to stand up in defence of those values, is not only a grave moral mistake, but a strategic error of the first magnitude.


Israel is a fundamental part of the West. The West is what it is thanks to its Judeo-Christian roots. If the Jewish element of those roots is upturned and Israel is lost, then we are lost too. Whether we like it or not, our fate is inextricably intertwined.


José María Aznar was prime minister of Spain between 1996 and 2004.

Facebook Group Boasts Of Attacking British Jews

Sadly, this news story didn’t even surprise me.

Via Totally Jewish:

Police have launched an urgent investigation into a horrific Facebook group that gave graphic details of anti-Semitic incidents perpetrated by its members against Ilford’s Jewish community.

The group, created by a student at Loxford School of Science and Technology, attracted more than 500 members in two weeks following its launch last month and featured teenagers boasting about engaging in anti-Semitic behaviour.

It featured messages from youths using language rife with spelling errors,
profanities and teenage colloquialisms.

One girl wrote: “Jews are the ones that killed prophets in the past. Dirty filthy scum-bags. No wonder they have the curse of Allah upon them. Burn Jew burn.”

Another stated: “OMG! ii Saw a Jew Todaii ii Swearr downn Weariingg Dahh Hatt He Lookedd At Me Liike Man Knowsz Me [sic].”

She went on to describe screaming obscenities at the man and rudely telling him to go away.

In a further disturbing post, a girl bragged about aggressively confronting
a Jewish woman in Argos after she was “looking at me“. She wrote: “Looool i Had a Fight Wif 1 Urgh in Argos [sic].”

The Jewish News was informed about the group, created by a student at
Loxford School, by a private investigator in Australia. It has since been
removed from the popular social networking site.

The group was described by a Community Security Trust (CST) official as “one of the most shocking things I have ever seen”.

A spokeswoman from Redbridge Council, speaking on behalf of Loxford School, said the school was contacted about the group and then immediately reported it to Facebook and the police.

The spokeswoman said: “The student concerned has been dealt with and the school has taken disciplinary action. There is an ongoing police investigation so we are unable to comment further.”

Ilford police confirmed it had “received an allegation regarding anti-Semitic material being published on a social networking website”.

A spokeswoman told the Jewish News that the police are investigating and inquiries continue.

Several comments on the vile Facebook site included references to Islam and the Quran as justification for targeting Jews.

One female youth wrote: “We hate Jews for the sake of Allah as he has told us to do in the Quran.”

The group page included offensive jokes invoking pejorative stereotypes about Jews and money as well as an anti-Semitic cartoon. There was also a link to a YouTube video entitled “Kill All Christians and Jews”.

In addition several members expressed anti-Israeli sentiment. There was a photograph of graffiti saying “Jihad 4 Israel”.

Mike Gardner, director of communications at the CST, said he was left
“utterly chilled” by the casual way that the youths displayed their
anti-Semitism.

He said: “It shows how new media is now facilitating the most shocking
anti-Semitism among groups of youngsters, as if hatred and violence and
gross ignorance were all just a part of their normal lives.

“Anybody who wants to understand how anti-Semitism can be transmitted today should study this online group closely, but they will need a strong stomach
to do so.”

The CST, which is due to release its latest findings on anti-Semitism in the
UK this week, has previously reported 609 incidents in the first six months
of 2009, more than in any other entire year.
A report released by the
Jewish Agency last month revealed that there were more anti-Semitic
incidents in Europe in 2009 than in any year since the Holocaust.

Mike Gapes, the local MP for Ilford South, urged the authorities to take
“very strong action”. Gapes told the Jewish News: “I am deeply concerned.
Incitement to hatred is a crime and we must stand very firm and take action
against anyone who incited racial or religious hatred. Anti-Semitism has to
be opposed.”

Lee Scott MP for Ilford North also denounced the site, saying: “It is
shocking and I condemn it.”

A Facebook spokeswoman said that the group was removed because it breached the company’s policies. She said: “We want Facebook to be a place where people can openly discuss issues and express their views, while respecting the rights and feelings of others.” She added that users should report groups that they feel violate Facebook’s rules.

Spencer Lewis, the headteacher of local Jewish high school King Solomon
said: “We have had no problems at all with Loxford that I am aware of and we have a very good relationship with the school.”

Why is anyone even surprised by this? The BBC and Guardian feed Brits a relentless diet of anti Israel nonsense. Our elected politicians meet with Hamas members.  Israeli officials at present cannot even visit Britain without one Islamic group or another organising arrest warrants, under the specious guise of ‘universal jurisdiction’. (more on this later).

So why is anyone remotely surprised when British teenagers act on the messages they receive from the British media and British government…?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if things don’t improve for British Jews, I predict that in ten years, hardly any of us will remain. Like our fellow Jews in France, we will sadly and reluctantly be forced to leave.

I hope and pray that I am wrong.


The Geert Wilders Travesty

 

So, it’s finally started. The trial in which Dutch MP Geert Wilders stands accused of, well, criticising Islam.   Of course, it’s being worded differently. Wilders is charged with ‘inciting hatred and discrimination toward Islam.’  If he’s found ‘guilty’, he could very well end up in prison.

Meanwhile, those extremist Muslims who constantly express hatred of all things non Islamic are at liberty to preach hatred and the Joys Of Jihad across Europe, including in the Netherlands where Wilders is now fighting to remain a free man.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all religions are ideologies. They are thus open to critique and yes, condemnation. As long as those who wish to follow said religions are not prohibited from doing so, nor attacked for doing so, there is nothing wrong with openly criticising any faith.

Here are Wilders’ opening remarks:

 

” Mister Speaker, judges of the court, I would like to make use of my right to speak for a few minutes.

 Freedom is the most precious of all our attainments and the most vulnerable. People have devoted their lives to it and given their lives for it. Our freedom in this country is the outcome of centuries. It is the consequence of a history that knows no equal and has brought us to where we are now.

 

I believe with all my heart and soul that the freedom in the Netherlands is threatened. That what our heritage is, what generations could only dream about, that this freedom is no longer a given, no longer self-evident.

 

I devote my life to the defence of our freedom. I know what the risks are and I pay a price for it every day. I do not complain about it; it is my own decision. I see that as my duty and it is why I am standing here.

 

I know that the words I use are sometimes harsh, but they are never rash. It is not my intention to spare the ideology of conquest and destruction, but I am not any more out to offend people.

 

 I have nothing against Muslims. I have a problem with Islam and the Islamization of our country because Islam is at odds with freedom. Future generations will wonder to themselves how we in 2010, in this place, in this room, earned our most precious attainment.

 

Whether there is freedom in this debate for both parties and thus also for the critics of Islam, or that only one side of the discussion may be heard in the Netherlands? Whether freedom of speech in the Netherlands applies to everyone or only to a few?

 

The answer to this is at once the answer to the question whether freedom still has a home in this country. Freedom was never the property of a small group, but was always the heritage of us all. We are all blessed by it.

 

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but she has splendid hearing. I hope that she hears the following sentences, loud and clear: It is not only a right, but also the duty of free people to speak against every ideology that threatens freedom.

 

Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States was right: The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

 

I hope that the freedom of speech shall triumph in this trial.

 

In conclusion, Mister Speaker, judges of the court. This trial is obviously about the freedom of speech. But this trial is also about the process of establishing the truth. Are the statements that I have made and the comparisons that I have taken, as cited in the summons, true?

 

If something is true then can it still be punishable? This is why I urge you to not only submit to my request to hear witnesses and experts on the subject of freedom of speech. But I ask you explicitly to honour my request to hear witnesses and experts on the subject of Islam.

 

I refer not only to Mister Jansen and Mister Admiraal, but also to the witness/experts from Israel, the United States, and the United Kingdom.

 

Without these witnesses, I cannot defend myself properly and, in my opinion, this would not be an fair trial. “

A Strange Rumour

A somewhat strange rumour has appeared on certain internet forums where religion is the main topic.  *Some* Muslims have started claiming that Mohammed, their prophet, appears in the Jewish Tanakh…!

This is nonsense, of course. The Tanakh was written long, long, long before Islam even existed. And just as Jews constantly find ourselves breaking it to Christians that No, Jesus is not mentioned in the Tanakh, it seems that now we’ll have to break similar news to our Muslim friends.

Because the fact remains, however much some people try to twist the original Hebrew, neither Jesus nor Mohammed appear anywhere in the Tanakh.

For anyone out there who wants to refute the specific claims being made by some Muslims, here is a response given by a Chabad Rabbi who has very modestly declined to be named.

His answer appeared originally in an online forum, and I haven’t changed it, as I think it does a great job of addressing this absurd rumour re Mohammed and the Jewish texts:

” Mohammed has never claimed any connection to Torah. Now you want to claim he was prophesised in there?

First of all, Deutoronomy 18:18-19 is not even a prophet speaking. G-d is talking to Moses about false prophets. G-d says that he will only put his words in a true  prophet’s mouth.

You ask: ‘Then why does it say “from among their brethren”? doesn’t this refer to Ishmael or Jesus?’

NO. certainly not Ishmael (and therefore Mohammed). Jews are called ‘brothers’ and ‘brethren’ all over the Torah. Aside from being the brother to Isaac, Ishmael and Ishmaelites are NEVER called ‘brother’ or ‘brethren’ in the Torah.

So what does it mean?

According to the Mikraos Gedolos, it means that it must be from ‘among your brothers’, i.e. in Israel.

One sign of a false prophet will be if he prophesizes outside of Israel (which ironically, Mohammed did). With this in mind, we can now understand why Jonah tried to ‘run away from G-d.’

He was trying to run away from prophecy, since he knew he couldn’t prophesize outside of Israel. This is also why he was so surprised to prophesize and hear from G-d outside of Israel – he was an exception to the rule.

You ask: What about ‘like unto thee’ in the verse?

Mikraos gedolos explains that this means that the prophet must be a Jew, just like Moses was.

Again, this is not a prophecy. No other prophecies are spoken near it, and it’s G-d speaking, not Moses or any other prophet.

Oddly enough, while you claim this is a prophecy, both Christiany and Islam conveniently ignore the rest of the Torah.

Isaiah 29:12 – it’s  a far reach to try and say it refers to Mohammed. Because he used the same words as are said in Isaiah? I didn’t understand the attempt. Does this mean that because I say the ‘Shema’ prayer every day, and it’s word for word from the Torah, I’m also a prophet?

As for the Song of Solomon, I’m sorry, but this is illogical as it would mean the adjective is changed into a proper noun and the word is actually changed from machmadim to ‘muhammad’. This would make no sense and render the verse incoherent.


*With many thanks to my Chabad contact for providing this information!

From Mecca To Jerusalem: Muslims & Their Feelings

                                                                                                                         Next time someone tries to hoodwink you into believing that Islam ‘respects all faiths’, ask them about Mecca and Medina. Specifically, ask them why the two holiest Muslim cities are off limits to all non Muslims.  

Yep, that’s right. Mecca and Medina are no go areas unless you’re a Quran-brandishing member of the ‘religion of peace’. And there are no exceptions, no apologies and certainly no concern over whether this might be a tad hypocritical.

 

In fact, just to make it clear to any naughty infidels who may try and sneak into Mecca, the Saudi authorities have put up these helpful signs:

 

apartheidhighwaymecca2

and

apartheidhighwaymecca

Now let’s compare what happens in Jerusalem, the capital of Israel. This is the holiest Jewish city. And where the second temple once stood, there now remains a solitary wall; the Kotel, or ‘Wailing Wall’, where Jews come to pray. Non Jews are also welcome there, and perfectly at liberty to visit the Kotel and pray there, should they desire.

 

 

 

And then there is the Al Aqsa Mosque – slapbang where the Jewish temple used to stand.

 

 

From what you read in the international media, you’d never know that Israel – being democratic to a fault - has given control of this vital area to the Muslims.

 

So even as Muslims across the globe support, sponsor and carry out terrorism against the Jewish state, it is the Muslim Waqf, part of the Palestinian Authority, which has jurisdiction over the Temple Mount area.

 

 

 

And what happens when any non Muslim dares to go there…?

 

 

 

Ask Israeli cabinet Minister Yitzhak Aharonovitch. Today he paid a visit to the Temple Mount. Result? Total hysteria and threats of violence from Palestinian Muslims. Aharonovitch spent a mere ninety minutes in the area, and was there purely to check police deployments in this volatile area of Jerusalem.

 

Aharonovitch’s spokesman Tal Harel said:

 

 

 

“The intention of the visit was to see how the police would deploy in case of an emergency.We went everywhere. We were accompanied by the Waqf, who were fully aware of our presence, and this was planned in coordination with them well ahead of the visit.”

 

 

Nine years ago, of course, a similar visit by Ariel Sharon triggered a bloody and protracted ‘intifada’ by the Palestinians.

 

. I mean, just think about it: a Jewish Israeli has the sheer chutzpah to visit a holy Jewish area in Israel, the Jewish homeland! Whatever next?!

 

 And these are far from being isolated events. Back in 2005, on Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Day), a small Jewish group ascended the Temple Mount only to be attacked by a mob of Palestinian Muslims, who emerged from the Al Aqsa Mosque. The police had to be called, so intense was the violence directed at the Jews.

 

But Jerusalem was a holy place for Jews before Islam even existed, I hear the historians among you cry indignantly!

 

Yet here is the Palestinian-appointed Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Mohammed Hussein, insisting that today’s visit by Israeli Minister Yitzhak Aharonovitch was not coordinated in advance and, wait for it:It is these Muslim feelings that enable Muslim men in Saudi Arabia to rape women with impunity; women who are then publicly flogged and imprisoned as ‘punishment’.

 

 Hussein said:

He does not have the right to visit al-Aqsa because it is an Islamic site and not a Jewish site, and it could ignite violence because the visit provokes the feelings of Muslims. It is an assault on an Islamic place.”

 

And there, in that one line, you have it. The sheer hypocrisy of the demands made by Muslims in non Muslim nations. Let’s read it again, just to marvel at the utter arrogance involved:

 

…it could ignite violence because the visit provokes the feelings of Muslims…’

 

 Ah yes, Muslim feelings…

 

The same Muslim feelings that are ‘provoked’ by cartoons and teddy bears and piggy banks and democracy and Geert Wilders and books about Mohammed and freedom for women and alcohol and Jews and Christians and Hindus and Buddhists and Sikhs and Atheists and Gays and every single thing on the planet that does not comply with Islam!

 

It is these Muslim feelings that Barack Obama, the great Dhimmi in the White House, is busy bending over backwards to appease.

It is these Muslim feelings that got Dutch Politician Geert Wilders banned from Britain and also have him living in fear, under 24/7 police guard.

It is these Muslim feelings that ensure women throughout the Islamic world have about the same rights as a house plant; none, in other words.

 

 It is these Muslim feelings that ensured the novel ‘The Jewel Of Medina’ was dropped by two publishers, after angry Muslims threatened the first one, and then firebombed the London home of the second who took it on.

It is Muslim feelings that result in Muslim terrorists stealing the lives of innocent civilians in Israel on a regular basis.

It is Muslim feelings that in 2005 brought horror to the heart of London and left corpses buried underground on burning tube trains.

 

It is Muslim feelings that brought down the Twin Towers in New York and that have caused another 13,459 deaths since.

Frankly, I don’t give a damn about Muslim sensibilities any more, given that in order to keep Muslims happy, the rest of us have to sacrifice every value we hold dear.

I recommend that next time the followers of Islam start burning flags, rioting, issuing fatwas, and banging on about their feelings, we tell them where to shove’em!